The Words I Never Said
by BessAndHenryMcCord
Summary: Even though Rayna and Deacon weren't together, Deacon wasn't just going to stop his thoughts. He had to let them out somehow so he wrote them. What were those thoughts and how will Rayna react to them when they get back together?


A/N: This is my first Nashville fanfiction. I am really nervous about posting it so please tell me your opinion even if it is constructive criticism. I don't know if Deacon would do what this story says he does, but that is what fanfiction is for: to explore our favorite characters. Part of what is in here about the juice cleanse is based off of something Connie Britton said in an interview. I hope you guys enjoy this.

Deacon Claybourne has loved Rayna Jaymes since the first moment he saw her. There was no denying that. When they were together, and he was sober, it was incredible. They had their tough moments of course and eventually those tough moments led to them separating. While they were together, Deacon never had a problem giving Rayna compliments and expressing his positive opinions about her when he thought them. But, during those fourteen years when she was married to Teddy, he had to hold back. Even though he still loved Rayna, he knew he had to keep those thoughts to himself because he wanted to respect her and her marriage. Even though he never spoke those thoughts, he wrote them down. He didn't want to forget them because he held out hope that one day he would be able to start to share them with Rayna. There were so many that it would take more than one day to go through all of them. Finally, the day had come for Deacon to share these with Rayna.

-R&D-

The morning after their wedding night, Rayna and Deacon were sitting on the couch in the cabin just cuddling together. Finally, Deacon told Rayna what he wanted to, even though he was a little uncertain of how she would react.

"Hey Ray, there is something I wanna share with ya."

"Ok, what is it?"

Deacon walked up and went to his bag. He opened the front pouch and pulled out a journal. It was the first of many. After he retrieved the journal, he walked back to the couch, sat next to Rayna and put his arm around her shoulder while she cuddled back into him.

"When you were married to Teddy and before we got back together, I kept journals of everything I wanted to say to you or things I felt and wanted to tell you or express but felt like I couldn't because it wasn't my place. I wanted to share these with you now that I finally can."

Deacon waited after he said that to gauge Rayna's reaction. She started to get tears in her eyes and smiled.

"Deacon, that is so sweet. I want to see what you wrote."

Deacon smiled and leaned in for a kiss. After their passionate embrace, he opened the journal to the first page and they started to read the story.

 _Today I came back to prepare for the first tour of Rayna's after my fifth time in rehab and her giving birth to Maddie. I was nervous before but it was almost like my fears melted away when I saw Rayna. She has always had that effect on me. I had to fight the urge to kiss her and remind myself that I can't do that anymore._

 _She brought Maddie with her and she is the most beautiful little girl I have seen. I think she looks like Teddy but there are certainly parts of her momma too. I didn't know how I would feel about her but I think just knowing that she is Rayna's makes me love her._

 _Rayna looked absolutely stunning, but that had never not been true. Her and I exchanged our greetings and then started rehearsal. When we took a break for lunch I sensed that something was off with Rayna. I always want to help her when she is upset and even though she is married, that hasn't changed. It never does when you love someone._

" _Ray, is something wrong? You seem off."_

" _It's nothing. I'm just feeling kind of weird because of this juice cleanse I am on."_

" _Why are you on a juice cleanse?"_

" _Well I felt like I needed to get in shape for the tour and I still had some baby weight left on so I thought that this would be effective."_

" _Oh Ray. You don't need to go on a juice cleanse. First of all, you look great. Second, you should never feel pressured to look good for a tour or anything. If you aren't feeling well because of it, I don't think you should do it."_

 _I wanted to go on and on about how gorgeous and perfect I thought she was and make her feel confident, but I didn't think that would be appropriate. I still think I got through to her though because she responded by saying:_

" _Thank you Deacon. Do you want to go grab a cheeseburger with me?"_

 _I was thrilled. Even though we aren't dating, I still want to be friends with her. She is my best friend and I don't want to lose that because we aren't romantically involved anymore. I will always love her, but I want her to be happy even if that it isn't with me._

 _Rayna, Maddie, and I went out for lunch. Rayna and I laughed and talked for an hour before we had to go back to rehearsal. Throughout the entire lunch all I could think about was how much I loved her. This is going to be so hard but I know I have to do it. I don't think I will ever give up hope that Rayna and I will get back together, but I will learn to live with just being friends._

By the time they had finished reading, Rayna was crying a little bit.

"I can't believe this. You wrote these for all sixteen years we were apart?"

"Yes, it helped me get through it. I love you so much Ray. I always have and I always will."

Rayna leant in and kissed Deacon thoroughly before they continued the honeymoon festivities, journal forgotten, for now. They would go through more later, but right now they had bigger priorities.


End file.
